The Ceremony

[Nathan]

The cathedral has been decorated with blue, orange and silver banners, light is streaming in through the windows and reflecting off the silver sculptures and devotionals. Guests from all over Micras are filing into the benches and hushed small talk and gossip can be heard as they wait for the ceremony to begin.

"I heard he is going to be wearing white, can you believe it? We've all heard the stories of his slutty summers," said a town councilman from St. Bartholma.

A baronial judge from Lochhatonia was sitting next to him and looking miffed, "Good sir, I don't know how you Continentals do things but here on the Island we are a bit more tactful and certainly more respectful of our emperor.... but I agree, his gray court uniform would not have brought as much discussion."

An eavesdropping Pavletonian could only stifle his giggles, for he was one of the reasons the emperor's summers were so infamous.

[brandon]

Then the life of the party walked in, Brandon Sullivan... looked around... and wondered where everybody was.

[Amir Shervanis]

Ryan entered the cathedral wearing the ceremonial Universal uniform, a midnight blue officers shirt, black tie decorated with white stars, and black khakis. On his right breast were the markings of his rank as Chairman, along with the crest of Universalis. On his shoulders were the ceremonial epaulets, signifying his position as an official endowed with the honor of marrying couples. On his left breast was pinned a Butter Cow medal, identifying his role as Bovarch in the upcoming ceremony.

Stepping up to the podium the cathedral became silent as everyone took their places. Taking a deep breath he spoke to the waiting audience and happy couple.

Dearly beloved calves, we are herded here today to witness the loving union of two men in buttery bondage before the eyes of the reverent Butter Cow.

Because of the magnitude of such a ceremony as this, I would like to read a story from the Bovic Book of Doctrine:

The Story of the Vices on Mount Vice

As it came to pass, the Butter Cow and one of his nine disciples, Branflake, were walking along the road from Pavleton to Vice City. When they came to the foothills of Mount Vice, Branflake lamented "One does not simply walk into Vice City." To which the Butter Cow replied, "O ye fool! One simply climbs into Vice City, for it is built on the peak of Mount Vice, the tallest mountain in the land." And so they climbed.

When they came to the ancient, man-made plateau that Vice City was built on, they were shocked to see a menagerie of vice and sin. Branflake lamented, "O Cow! Dost thou see the men laying with men as with women? And the all thou can eateth shrimp bar? And then the men laying with men as with women whilst eating all thou can eateth shrimp?"

And the reverent Butter Cow gazed upon the abominations and vices. Soon he turned to Branflake and spake thusly, "Well that... that's just fine."

And Branflake was left on the street to view the abominations as the reverent Butter Cow walked into the nearest all thou can eateth lobster bar, for he had his own butter for dressing it in.

Let us all take heed of the Butter Cow's word and eat all the shrimp we can eat and lay with all the men as with women and other such vices.

Now, before the eyes of those herded here and the Butter Cow, we shall join these two in holy union. Please bring forth the Yoke of Burdens. This yoke symbolizes the burdens and weight of your loyalty to each other. Looking back on this day you will remember the pain and burden you willing took for each other, and perhaps it will discourage divorce because you'll have to go through all this again.

Nathan of Waffle-Paine, do you take this man despite any unforeseen catastrophic circumstances such as maiming, poverty, burns, old age, getting fat, loss of fashion sense, and all other generally less than fabulous situations as your husband?

[Nathan]

Nathan had been standing next to William while Ryan led the service. His knees were shaking and his palms were sweating. Why did he commission a white dress uniform, he was so worried the sweat would show through it. He was wearing the green velvet imperial cape, hopefully it would hide any pit stains. This yoke is ridiculous, where was this even written in the Book of Doctrine? Suddenly Ryan was staring at him... had he just asked him a question? He looked at William, who was also looking at him... oh shit, yea... he did just ask him a question... THE question. Ok.. ok... you've been planning this for a long time, just say it...

"I do."

[Amir Shervanis]

Ryan was growing impatient waiting for Nathan to say his lines. Did he think he had all day?! Kids these days... But then he came to his senses and finally spoke THE words. Thank the Bovine Goddess! And so Ryan turned his attention to William.

And do you, William Strauss, take this man to be your husband assuming that you also agree to the previously mentioned terms?

[William]

William stood thinking to himself. So this is what it's like, getting married.Well better make the most of it.
"I do"

[Amir Shervanis]

Then by the power granted to me I now pronounce you united in buttery matrimony in the eyes of the Butter Cow and the government of Natopia!

[William]

~~La Fiesta!~~

[haraldofstormark]

Congratulations to the happy couple!! May your marriage be long and happy!!

[Nathan]

Hooray!!

[haraldofstormark]

Please feel free to drop by in Stormark for on your honeymoon.

[Emperor Konrad]

Huzzah.

[William]

For sure Harald.

[Amir Shervanis]

Congrats to both of you. I'm very happy I could assist with this and wish you both the best.

[William]

Thanks so much Ryan.