All My Mehlville

[Nathan]

All My Mehlville
Foundations Trilogy

A Drama Written by Nathan Shepard and
Assisted by Theresa Lochhaas

Episode One: “The Shadow Among Us”

Narrator: The day begins as any day at Mehlville High does: sleepily. This rather normal Midwest high school nestled in suburban South County is unknowingly about to become the stage for one of the most bizarre and dramatic series of events ever known to one single high school student.

Scene- crowded hallway

[Enter Nicole and Tree while loud construction noises die down]

Nicole: How could you do that?! I loved Nathan and finally, after 3 times, we are steady! Then you show up and take him in a sleazy one-night stand! You slut!!

Theresa: Nicole, you are over reacting. I never slept with Nathan, I never would. I know you care deeply for him and I’d never betray a friend such as you. We are friends, aren’t we?

Nicole: I ... have ... no ... friends ...SLUT!!

[Exit Nicole]

Theresa: Why would she think I slept with Natedog? I have to get the bottom of this...

[Exit Theresa]

Shadowy figure: Excellent, Phase One complete.

[Exit Shadow]

Scene- German room

[Enter Sherry, Emily and unnoticed Shadow]

Sherry: Ok, so I found this Internet web business that will actually pay us for racing emus in foreign cars.

Emily: Really?! That’s awesome! When do we start? Where do we get emus? Or the money for the cars?

Sherry: Hold on Emily, there is a catch. [Dramatic pause] We have to dress up as lawn gnomes and video tape ourselves along with the emus.

Emily: [appears lost in thought] Ok, I’ll do it. I’ve always wanted to dress up as a lawn gnome.

Sherry: You’ve always wanted to dress ... as a what?

Emily: A lawn gnome. Hasn’t everyone?

Sherry: Um... no. [Eyes Emily with suspicion]

Emily: Haha! Did... did I say lawn gnomes? I meant... um... yawning globes.

Sherry: Yes... of course you did. [Dramatically raises one eyebrow, Mr. Spock style]

[Exit Sherry and Emily]

Shadow: They acted exactly the way the Boss said they would... Phase Two completed.

[Exit Shadow]

[Enter Nathan]

Nathan: Where is everyone? I was gonna meet Tree, Nicole, Sherry and Emily here. [Looks around hopelessly] My friends don’t like me! [Cries then runs out door]

Scene: Next day, outside Mrs. DeYoung’s class

[Enter Nathan, Sherry, Emily, Tasneem, and unnoticed Shadow]

Nathan: I don’t care what you say; you still forgot about me and left me all alone!

Sherry: Nathan, we’re sorry, but we got carried away with our emus...

[Emily prods Sherry sharply in ribs]

[All others stare at Sherry in puzzled look]

Emily: Sherry meant that we were carried away like emus... because it’s a well-known fact that emus have short attention spans.

[Others accept this explanation]

Tasneem: [Whispers to Nathan] Sherry and Emily have been acting weirder then usual... I think they are up to another of their get-rich-quick schemes. And that’s not good. Remember what happened with the platypuses?

Nathan: [Whispers to Tasneem] Yes, I better ask them what they are doing. [In normal voice] Sherry, Emily, you aren’t happening to be doing anything with emus that would somehow get you money would you? Remember the platypuses?

Emily: Nathan! Of course not! We aren’t doing anything of the sort.

[Mark and Joel enter out of breath]

Joel: gasp... Nathan... gasp.... its.... its.... HORRIBLE!!!! The blood.... the death!!

Nathan: Joel, what are you talking about??

Mark: Nathan... you... have to go to.... the gym!

[Joel and Mark collapse]

[Heroic music begins to play]

Nathan: Sherry, look after these helpful citizens! I must away to find... Theresa!

Sherry: Yes, sir, Nathan, sir!

[Exit Nathan]

Scene- Tree’s class

[Tree is conversing w/ fellow students about the effects of post-modern Industrialization on London]

[Enter Nathan]

Nathan: Tree! Joel and Mark collapsed in the Hallway! They have risked their lives to warn us of a confrontation in the Gym!

Tree: Oh my! Very well. Fare well, fair classmates!

[Classmates mutter approvingly and adoringly]

[Exit Tree and Nate]

Scene- Gym A

[As Nathan and Tree enter the Gym, live action changes to Japanese anime]

Nathan: My gods! How could this have happened in our quiet suburban school?!

[Camera pans from Nathan and Tree’s shocked face to panoramic view of the Gym left in ruins with bloody bodies strewn randomly amongst the rubble]

[Nearest body stirs and beckons Tree and Nate]

Fallen Student: Nathan! Theresa! Thank gods you are.... cough.... here! It was... horrible.... just out of nowhere they attacked... why God why?!

Theresa: God has his reasons, have the faith!

Fallen Student: Thank you! [Faints]

Nathan: He’ll be fine... there are more serious problems afoot!

Theresa: Yes. Where shall we start?

[Nathan looks around the Gym and spots a small group of the dreaded Prep clique and points]

Nathan: I think they may have a hand in this deed!

[Nathan and Tree advance on the Preps, who in turn reveal such weapons that are characteristic of the group]

Lead Prep: Ah, well I am glad the Goody-goody twosome showed up!

[Preps laugh]

[Lead prep raises hand and Preps obediently hush]

Nathan: [addressing other Preps] Why do you conform to this evil man?

Nameless Prep: Because. You must join us!

Lead Prep: Yes, you are popular among the Lowers. You will add much popularity to us.

All Preps: Join us, and you will be popular and loved.

Theresa: I will not compromise my individuality for “coolness.”

Nathan: Yeah! Now explain this! [Gestures to ruins]

Lead Prep: Ah yea... well the Lowers were getting.... rowdy... yes. We had to remind them who were superior! US!!

Nathan: You sicken me.

Lead prep: Then prepare to die!

[Dramatic battle music plays as Nathan and Tree charge toward the Preps, anime style]

Nathan: Thunder ball charge shot!!!!!!!

[Ball of energy forms in Nathan’s cupped hands and is thrown at Preps]

Preps: Aiee!!! Help us! We are weak and foolish!

Theresa: This will finish them!! Tornado beam!!!!

[Swirl of energy leaves Tree’s palms and renders Preps unconscious]

Nathan: That will teach them!

Tree: Uh... Nate? [Taps Nate on shoulder]

Nate: Yes Tree?

Tree: Look! [Gestures to Gym]

[The entire gym is gone and the café can be seen below]

Random Breakfaster: What the hell has the Dork Duo done now?? DESTROYED THE GYM I SEE!!!

[Camera zooms in to Random Breakfaster to reveal Nicole]

Tree and Nate: Nicole!

Nicole: [sweetly] Yes?

Nate: the gym has been destroyed...

Nicole: DUH!

Nate: ...because the Preps have decimated members of the Freak clique. I’ll remind you all that this was a direct violation of the Freak/Prep Treaty of October. Since the Treaty has been broken Tree and I have taken it upon ourselves to hunt and suspend all Preps involved in the Massacre of Gym A.

Second Random Breakfaster: Um... don’t we have a school officer? Officer Rodriguez should handle this. And whatever happened to going to school to learn and be with our friends? And what about...

All Breakfasters: Shut up!!

Nate: Thanks

Tree: Now Nicole... if we find out you had something, anything, to do with the Incident... we will suspend you!

[Tree and Nate exit]

Nicole: Oh you’ll suspend me all right! Hahaha!

[Shadow appears next to Nicole and the two whisper suspiciously]

[Fade out]

Scene- Office, same day, lunchtime... pizza day... have you tried the garlic noodles?

[Mr. Viviano is at desk talking with the other principals]

Viviano: We are broke ladies and gentlemen. We have two choices. One, ask for a tax increase.

Driscoll: We just did, the voters would never approve it!

Viviano: Quite right. As I cannot do simple math I have asked for the assistance of a math teacher, whom I’m quite sure knows math. Ms. Duffey? Would you come in?

[Duffey enters with suspenseful music]

Viviano: Do you have the figures ready?

Duffey: Yes, yes I do.

[All wait]

Driscoll: Well?

Duffey: Well, what?

Driscoll: What are the figures you came up with? [Mutters] Idiot.

Duffey: Ah yes. I have come to the conclusion that the only way to maintain state standards with the current income is to reduce the school population by 25%.

Viviano: Enough of the mathematical mumbo jumbo! How many students are we talking about?

Duffey: Mr. Viviano, percentages are basic math skills learned in at least 7th grade.

Viviano: Your point is?

Duffey: [sighs] Let’s work this together... There are about 2,000 students enrolled.... what is half of that? Or... what is 50%?

Viviano: Um.... [Thinks hard for 2 minutes] 1000?

Duffey: Yes, very good. Now... since 25 is one half of 50... what is one half of 1000?

Viviano: What does 25 being half of 50 have to do with 1000 being half of 2000?

Duffey: Just answer the question!!!!!

Viviano: Oh, yes... [Thinks for 4 minutes].... 500?

Duffey: [With mock satisfaction] Yes! 500 students must be removed from the enrollment scrolls.

Viviano: Very well... hahaha!!

All in room: Hahaha!!

Scene- German room, same day, after lunch.... you tried the garlic noodles? Good aren’t they?

Nathan: Now, to tell you all the secret of life!!

Sherry: Finally! Why haven’t you told us before?

Nathan: I have my reasons... anyway... the secret of life is....

Narrator: Apologies, the previous scene was not finished, please excuse us while we switch back.

Scene- Office

Viviano: And I know exactly how to remove these students! We cannot ask them to leave, oh no, that would be rude. We must kill them!! That is the honorable way.

[All stare at Viviano]

Driscoll: Well, as I can’t think of a better solution, I’m game.

[All mutter agreement]

Viviano: Excellent! I know a very covert way of killing off the students! We find out which teachers are sympathetic with our cause... then those teachers will give the target student so much homework that they will suffer from a fatal stress-induced stroke!

Driscoll: Brilliant! The death will be blamed on the inefficiency of the student, or at least the heartlessness of the teacher. But not us!

[All mutter agreement and satisfaction]

Viviano: It is settled. The first student I think we should target is...

[All conspire]

Scene- German room, same day

Nathan: And that’s the meaning of life!

Emily: Now I know why we drive on parkways.

Sherry: And I know why we park on driveways.

Theresa: Nathan, was it wise to divulge the Secret of the Cosmos to them?

Nathan: Sure, why wouldn’t it be?

[Theresa rolls eyes]

[Shadow appears in the middle of the class]

Shadow: I have urgent news for you Tree and Nathan!

Nathan: OK, but who are you?

Shadow: I cannot say.

[Shadow tells them of the Admin. Plot]

Theresa: Gasp!

Nathan: I don’t believe it!

Shadow: Believe what you will.... [Vanishes]

Sherry: Whom were you two talking to?

Nathan: What? Didn’t you see him? The shadowy figure? He just vanished!

Emily: There was no shadowy figure here... you and Tree stood up... went to the middle of the class.... leaned towards something... whispered... then Tree gasped and you said “I don’t believe it” then Sherry asked who you were talking to and you said “what? Didn’t you see him? The shadowy figure? He just vanished!” Then I said “There was no shadowy figure here... you and Tree stood up... went to the middle of the class.... leaned towards something...”

Nathan: OK! I get it.... you didn’t see him.

Theresa: Now you all think we are crazy.

Random classmate: Now we do?

Nathan: Shut your face, PREP! We’re watching your kind!

Theresa: Something has to be done about the Admin Plot!

Nathan: Yes... but we must wait until someone reports excessive homework. Its not like someone can die from a stroke after just a few days of stress.

Scene- Nathan’s home, later that evening

[Nathan is watching TV]

Newscaster: And in other news today a local Mehlville High School student was brought into to Mercy Neural Surgery Hospital around 3 PM today with symptoms of a stress-induced stroke. The student, whose name will not be released, has since died as a result of severe brain hemorrhaging.

[Nathan stares at TV]

Nathan: NO!! I could’ve saved them!!!

Nathan’s mom: What on earth are you talking about? If you keep the world’s problems on your back you’ll get stressed out. I wouldn’t want you ending up like that poor student.

Scene- The Hallway, next day, morning

[Theresa enters]

Nathan: Did you see the news?

Theresa: Yes, I felt so bad! Nathan, WE are supposed to protect these innocent ignorant fools!

Emily: Yea, good morning to you too!

Theresa: Oh, I’m sorry! I only meant the stupid ones! Like.... Sherry!

Sherry: Yes? You said my name?

[All laugh as scene fades out]

End of Episode One: The Shadow Among Us

[Nathan]

All My Mehlville
Foundations Trilogy

A Drama Written by Nathan Shepard and
Assisted by Theresa Lochhaas

Episode Two: “The Defense Force”

Narrator: Welcome back to All My Mehlville! I’m so glad you are back! Well, I could care less about you personally. I only care that we haven’t been canceled yet. Ha! [In monotone voice] But I am kidding... We are very pleased that you have returned for the second episode.

Scene- The Cool Nook

Theresa: No, Nathan, we can’t do that!

Nathan: We must!

Sherry: What? What must we do Nathan?

Emily: [In bored, sarcastic voice] Oh yes, please tell us, oh faithful leader.

Nathan: [glares at Emily] PREP!

[Several Freaks begin to advance on her]

Emily: Ah! I’m sorry!

Nathan: [To freaks] She’s OK.

[Freaks slowly leave]

Theresa: [Looks thoroughly confused at Nathan’s display of fascism] Um... well... anyway... Nathan wants to mobilize... the.... [In whisper] the Defense Force.

Sherry: Well, waddawe waitin’ for!!

Theresa: I don’t think it’s a good idea! The D.F was created....

Nathan: It’s the N.D.F. Remember?

Theresa: The N.D.F. was created only for real emergencies!

Nathan: The N.D.F. was created for this such emergency! Tree, the Admin is plotting to kill 500 students!! One is dead already!

Theresa: But... it will instill panic!

Nathan: There already is panic! Poor Richard was last seen complaining about too much homework... the next thing everyone hears is that HE’S DEAD!

Sherry: He’s got a good point... I second the motion.

Theresa: You have no say in the matter.

Sherry: [In fake French accent] Au contraire, madamoiselle, the N.D.F. is the Natopian Defense Force, in case you forgot the acronym. And, I am the Grand Judge of Natopia.

Nathan: Yes, Tree, she outranks you.

Tree: Why did I ever let you incorporate the Student Body Defense Force into the Republic of Natopia??

Sherry: I’m glad you let him. [Grins stupidly]

Emily: I’ve never heard of the Student Body Defense Force.

Theresa: When Natedog and I first teamed up after that... incident... we decided to use our powers to help our fellow students. We called ourselves the Student Body Defense Force. Then Nathan here developed Natopia and thought it would be cool to have a military organization in it. So where else did he turn? Me. I got dragged in as the Supreme Spiritual Leader and the Student Body Defense Force was renamed the Natopian Defense Force. Thus putting it under complete control of Nathan... err... the Grand Chancellor.

Nathan: Don’t forget Aaron, he’s the Supreme Commander of the NDF.

Theresa: Yes, of course.

Nathan: But as a Chancellorial Decree I am removing him from command and placing us both in joint leadership.

Theresa: Excellent.

Nathan: Now, we have to recruit the students to our plight. No doubt the administration will have started recruiting. They can offer more then we can as an enlistment bonus... we offer coupons to Steak ‘n Shake... they offer the promise of no homework.

Sherry: These days “no homework” is synominous with “life”

Emily: What a brave new world we live in.

Sherry: Um... guys? Did you notice we haven’t moved... at all... since the scene started?

Emily: Yeah... my legs are getting tired from standing!

Nathan: Hey! Writer!! What kind of screenwriter has four characters motionless for a whole scene??

Narrator: Well, I figured the scene was rather full already, what with the dialogue and the explanation of the Defense Force.

Nathan: C’mon!

Narrator: You don’t wanna mess with a screenwriter! Take this!

[Nathan strips and runs through halls shouting, “I’m gay, and so proud! Be my boyfriend someone!” then returns and dresses]

Nathan: Um... I’m sorry. Can people not remember that?



Nathan: Thanks!

Narrator: Um... you’re not supposed to remember anything.

Nathan: Oh! Hehehe... Never mind then... [Blushes]

Sherry: So how about some of that moving?

Narrator: Oh, right, here ya go!

[Everyone does 20 jumping jacks]

All: Thanks man!

Narrator: No problem.

[Fade out]

Scene- Lunch, café

Nathan: OK, when are we gonna start recruiting?

Tree: [In mock voice] I don’t know, grand chancellor, you tell me!

Nathan: Tree, come come, we are facing grave odds; this is no time to be acting that way!

Sherry: Yeah! Um... I agree!

Emily: [to Sherry] When will we implement the plan?

Sherry: Shush! Not here! We don’t want those two to hear!

Tree: Well, you are speaking very loudly; now I can’t help but ask what you two are up to.

Emily: ... uh.... nothing!

[Shadow enters]

Shadow: Attention human slug beasts! Your school principals are attempting to murder you!! Stay home, don’t do homework!

[Nathan and Tree approach Shadow]

Tree: Will you tell us who you are now?

Shadow: Um... no!

[Shadow vanishes]

[Nicole appears in the crowd that has formed]

Nicole: Well well, the Dork Dou again! Why will you not let us eat lunch in peace?! Running up here telling us not to do homework or to stay home. Paah!

Nathan: You are an evil one, Nicole.

Tree: Don’t make us remove you from this dimension like we did to your lackey... Mr. Nicolesbich.

Nicole: Ha! They have a sense of humor! How sweet. Now, let the revolution begin! We will take back supremacy of the halls! Preps!!! Assemble!!

[All Preps in the café run upstairs to the Gym]

Nathan: Uh-oh. I don’t like this...

Tree: Nathan, we have no choice, we must crush their movement, the Preps cannot reclaim the halls, they have oppressed the Freaks for too long!

Nathan: I agree! Natopian Defense Force!!! Assemble!!

[All freaks run up to the Gym]

Sherry: This is big... I wonder if Oakville has these problems?

Emily: Why wouldn’t they? Isn’t this normal high school life?

Sherry: No... not at all.

Scene ends

Scene- Gym A, the Natopian Defense Force and the Prep Patrol, led by Nicole, are facing off

Nicole: Haha! We will reclaim the halls!

Nathan: no, you are incorrect in that assumption!!

Nicole: Then let my Preps decide!! Charge!!

Tree: Implement Defense Force plan DD-234/R5!!!!!!

NDF: Huh?

Tree: [sighs] Charge them!!

NDF: Oh! Ahhhhhh! [Runs at PP]

Narrator: [blank screen covers battle scene] We apologize, but this scene could not be completed due to budget constraints and the laziness of the writer.

Apparently he doesn’t have the time, or talent, to write a simple battle scene! Well... I can do better!!

[The gym and two armies are drawn in crude crayon animation; the two crayon armies “bump” against each other to simulate battle for 30 seconds]

Narrator: [blank screen returns] See? Wasn’t that much more enjoyable??

[Gym scene fades into focus with the PP decimated on the floor and the NDF unscathed]

Nicole: .... How did you do that??

Tree: We can never tell you, if we did...

Nathan: It all happened one day at the zoo... I was at the monkey cages and a rather greenish ape broke free and licked my foot. I thought nothing of it at the time. [Random freak shouts “weirdo”] but later that night I saw a news segment that said an escaped radioactive ape licked visiting weirdo. Then I knew... A radioactive green ape licked me! And it gave me superhuman powers!

Nicole: Ok, so how did Tree get the power? If the monkey licked you to give you your powers then.... OH MY GAWD!!! YOU LICKED HER!!!!! NOW I KNOW YOU SLEPT WITH EACH OTHER!!!!!!

[Nathan enters a stage of dormancy and his eyes glaze over as what is certain to be a catfight ensues]

Tree: He did NOT lick me!! Eww!

Nicole: Then how did you get his powers?

Tree: I received my powers from a completely different source! The moon!!

Nicole: The moon? Puh-leeze!

Tree: No, really! I was experimenting with a special type of glass that used moonlight to create electrical energy... and... it transformed moonlight into more then electrical energy... it gave me superhuman powers!

Nicole: Yes, well let me tell you something... I have superhuman powers too!

Tree: that would explain why you survived our Psy-blast!

Nicole: Duh!

Tree: well, we have to state it just in case someone at home didn’t get it, I mean, it’s a major plot development, if someone doesn’t get it they may be confused for the rest of the story!

Nicole: Whatever! A strange shadowy figure gave me my powers, and he told me to use them against “the two that do good.” And that obviously meant you and Nathan.

[Nathan snaps out of his daze]

Nathan: Huh? Whaa?

Tree: Nicole has super human powers!

Nathan: That would explain why she survived our Electro-bomb!

Tree: We used a Psy-blast on the Prep Patrol though. An electro- bomb would’ve killed everyone in the room, including the NDF.

Nathan: Oops.

Tree: Whaddaya mean oops?

Nathan: I kinda used a tinsey one.

Tree: You did?? Why hasn’t it gone off?

Nathan: I must’ve used a time delay one... or something.

Tree: Evacuate the gym!!

[The gym explodes causing everyone inside to erupt into flames as massive amounts of electricity surges through their bodies, causing their blood vessels to explode, their eyeballs to explode, ands their spleens to collapse and cause mini-black holes.]

[Nathan, Tree, and Nicole fly out of the gym, unscathed]

Tree: You are in so much trouble Nathan!!

Nicole: HAHA!!

Nathan: Why are you so happy, Preps died too!

Nicole: So? I’m a Prep, I only care about myself!!

Tree: Heartless bitch!

Scene ends

Scene- Quad

[Tree and Nathan land next to Sherry and Emily who are sitting on a bench by the pond]

Tree: Do you realize, 500 students died?!

Nathan: I said I was sorry! But hey, now the administration doesn’t have to kill off any more students.

Tree: At least we could’ve handled that plot! You instantly killed 500 people!

Sherry: You did? I thought you two were sworn to protect?

Tree: We are... [Sighs]

Emily: So, is the Prep threat gone at least?

Tree: No, that’s the worst part, Nicole, the Prep leader, has super human powers too!

Sherry: NO! Where’d she get them?

Nathan: A shadowy figure...

[Shadow appears]

Shadow: I think you two need help.

Tree: Who are you and why did you give Nicole powers?

Shadow: It will all work out... until then, you must rebuild the NDF. It is crucial to the final Phase!

Nathan: What are you taking about? What phase?

Shadow: Just rebuild the Defense Force!

[Shadow disappears]

Tree: Why should we listen to him? He helped the enemy!

Nathan: I don’t like it either, but I’m sure Nicole will rebuild the PP... We have to rebuild the Force, just in case she decided to attack. We must recruit a massive amount! Before we just concentrated on the Freaks... we need to contact some other anti-Prep cliques.

Sherry: Why not the Goths?

Tree: Yes, they’ve had an active resistance going well for a time now. We could try the Nerds too. They may be able to develop strategies for us.

Nathan: Excellent. Who else?

Emily: The Loners are a large group, but due to their nature, they are not organized at all. I could work on a Loner recruitment plan.

Tree: Good! The Punks may be beneficial.

Nathan: Yes. Is it safe to assume the Jocks will be recruited into the Patrol by now?

Sherry: I’m sure... what about the Druggies? They are a large group... but do we want them associated with us?

Nathan: No, we will use them only as backup... I hope we don’t need back up.

Tree: The Preps are a large group, about half the student population. But with all the Freaks, Goths, Punks, Nerds, and Loners, we will have a slight size advantage... and we have two super-powered humans... they have but one!

Sherry: OK, should we all go recruitin’?

Tree: Yes, go! Get all anti-Preps you can! Unite under the flag of Natopia!

Nathan: Once this is all over... maybe I can rule them under the flag of Natopia... I mean... they will be so grateful that I lead them to victory over the Preps and Jocks... they will have to submit to me!!

Tree: You are strange...

Nathan: So?

Scene ends

Scene- Office, after school

Viviano: How will we explain that explosion in the gym?

Driscoll: Gas leak... this is Mehlville; it will be perfectly understandable that we have faulty piping. Then we can ask for a tax hike to pay for new piping!

Viviano: But we wont use it on piping... now that 500 students have perished... we don’t need to upgrade anything to bring us up to state standards!!

Duffey: Well actually, we really do need some basic supplies...

Viviano: Hush woman! We are rich now!

Driscoll: We could give a raise to ourselves and all teachers the supported the student elimination plot. As a reward to them.

Viviano: Yes! And a big screen TV for the lounge!!

Driscoll: Yeah!! But we should re-pipe something, just so the fiscal watchdogs don’t get on us...

Viviano: Yeah... we could re-pipe the Annex, some teachers have complained about low test scores over there and students comment on funny smells. But then they laugh and wander off...

Driscoll: Sounds like a plan! Haha!

Viviano: HAHA!!

Scene ends

Scene- the Hallway, next day

[Nathan, Sherry, Emily, Tasneem, and Joel standing talking]

Nathan: Since this Defense Force is so large, I am reassigning you all from you original Natopian positions and temporarily placing you in command of a Defense Force Battalion, you are all given a field promotion to Lieutenant. You will report directly to me, Supreme Commander Aaron, Spiritual Leader Tree, or General David.

Sherry: Aye aye, Grand Commander sir!

Emily: Why can’t Emilyland be in charge of the Defense Force??

Nathan: [glares at Emily] PREP!!

[Nearby Defense Enforcers crowd around Emily]

Emily: I’M SORRY, Your Excellency, please forgive me!

Nathan: Back off Enforcers.

Enforcers: Aye sir.

Nathan: OK, Lt.’s assemble your battalions and regroup at the “away” side of the football field. That is where we will make our assault against the Prep Patrol.

All: Aye sir!

[All leave, except Nathan]

Nathan: Excellent, Natopia’s ideals will soon be forced upon the unwitting students of this school!

[Shadow appears]

Shadow: You command your forces well, Grand Commander.

Nathan: Thank you.

Shadow: I hope you are willing to command them under any circumstances?

Nathan: Of course! The Natopian Defense Force will meet any threat!

Shadow: That is good to hear.

[Shadow disappears]

Nathan: Something big is about to happen... I just know it... I don’t know what... or when... or why... but something will happen at this school that will change the known universe and bend the laws of time and space!

End of Episode Two: The Defense Force

[Nathan]

All My Mehlville
Foundations Trilogy

A Drama Written by Nathan Shepard and
Assisted by Theresa Lochhaas

Episode Three: “The Battle for Paradise”

Narrator: Welcome again to All My Mehlville. Things certainly have gotten strange around here, eh? What’s up with that Shadow person? I mean, c’mon, what is up with him?! And Nathan acting all Hitler-like at the end? But with a title like “Battle for Paradise” this episode will certainly explain everything, even the emu sub plot that the dumb writer seems to have forgotten until just now when he wrote my script.

Scene- Football field

[NDF and PP are assembled, in full Battalion ranks, facing each other]

Tree: Lt. Sherry! Where is the Grand Commander?

Sherry: I don’t know, Supreme Leader Tree... I last saw him in the announcer’s tower talking with the Prep Premier Nicole.

Tree: What?? Why didn’t you tell me? That is very peculiar!!

[Tree uses her teleportation power to zap herself up to the tower]

Nicole: Can’t you see we are having a private conversation?

Tree: Nathan what are you doing here?

[Nathan turns to Tree after seeming to stare deep into her soul and his face melts into Shadow]

Tree: Ah! [She zaps back to the NDF command post]

Sherry: Was it him?

Tree: No, it was the Shadow figure I’ve told you about sis.

Sherry: Did you realize that that was the first time the audience could’ve known we are sisters?

Tree: Hey, I guess you’re right. Hey writer! Explain this!

Narrator: Well, I’m sorry, I just forgot!

Sherry: We’re sorry; it must be hard to write a trilogy of this magnitude.

Narrator: You have no idea, woman.

[Nathan enters football field with a large Battalion of Jocks]

Tree: How did you get them?

Nathan: I just found them in Gym B on my way out. They were neutral until I promised them they could play football after we get off the field.

Emily: That is so stereotypical of their clique! [Laughs]

Nathan: That is our Special Forces Battalion you are laughing at Lt.! I suggest you put your “stereotypes” aside and lead your loner Battalion.

Emily: Yes, Your Excellency.

[NDF scout returns from front lines]

Scout: Excellency, sir, the attack has begun, the Patrol has charged us!

Nathan: [To Tree] Has the return charge order been given?

Tree: The Force has been instructed to charge at the first sign of hostility.

Sherry: There, see? The First Strike Battalion is moving, I’m needed at my Battalion, excuse me Your Excellency.

Nathan: [Suddenly appears in velvet robe and royal crown] You are excused Lt., Tree, would you be so kind as to fetch me my scepter?

Tree: Your what?? Nathan, you are taking this Defense Force Grand Commander thing a bit too far.

Nathan: What do you mean? I only asked for my attack log ledger.

Tree: [Nathan returns to normal clothes in Tree’s eyes] What? ... but ... you just had a robe and crown on! And you asked for a scepter!

Nathan: Um ... no...

Tree: That shadow! He has the power to appear as someone else ... I’ll bet he has something to do with my hallucinations!

[The NDF and PP are in heated combat when suddenly both armies are knocked to their backs by an unseen force emanating from a point that is slowly darkening.]

Nathan: Egad! What is that?

[The dark spot becomes darker until Shadow steps from it]

Tree: You again!!

Nicole: What is the meaning of this!

Nathan: I knew something big was gonna happen...

Shadow: Nathan, Tree, Nicole, lead your armies into this portal, all will be explained on the other side.

[Shadow goes through the portal]

Nathan: [To Tree] I think we should check it out first, we have powers that may be able to protect us.

Tree: I agree, the prospect of explanations is just too good to pass up.

[Nathan and Tree walk through the portal only to be forced back out]

Nathan: But the Shadow told us to go through.

[Sherry and Emily walk up]

Sherry: The Shadow said Nathan, Tree, and Nicole’s armies. I think we have to all go through at once somehow.

Nathan: Very insightful. I will try to convince the Premier.

Nicole: [As she approaches through throngs of confused Preps] No need Grand Commander, no need. This Shadow has helped us both, and hindered us. We must go in it’s home to find it’s weakness and crush it so we may continue here.

Tree: While I don’t agree with your reasons, we still need all of us to enter.

Nicole- Preps! Follow me into the portal, you will not be harmed!

Nathan: Defense Force, follow me!

Scene ends as the combined forces of the Defense Force and the Prep Patrol march through the enlarged portal.

Scene- Shadow Dimension, the NDF and PP are standing in the middle of a large, black landscape with two dim lights above.

Nathan: I can barely see a thing!

Nicole: How can we that Shadow in these... shadows?

Tree: Be persistent, I’m sure the path will reveal itself!

[As Tree ends her line the dense shadows lighten to reveal Shadow standing beside a magnificent throne made of diamonds and gold.]

Emily: Oh, the Throne of Far- Rue! We shouldn’t be seeing this at all! It’s only a myth!

Nathan: What is the meaning of this, Shadow!

Shadow: My name is not that of dark things, Shadow is not my name, but my name cannot be spoken here at all.

Nicole: Is that your throne?

Shadow: Oh no, I dare not even touch it for my master will surly destroy me.

Tree: You mean there is a being seemingly more powerful then you?

Shadow: Oh yes, he is immensely more powerful then I. But all four of us equal his power.

Nathan: What are you implying?

Shadow: With your super powers and the two armies, you will be able to help me stop my master from starting a universal cataclysm!

Nicole: Since you gave me my powers why couldn’t you just give everyone powers and give us a huge advantage?

Shadow: I could only give one other being powers. I chose you because, through uncanny guessing skills, I determined that only you could unite the students that Nathan and Tree could have no influence on, the preps.

Nathan: Interesting.... now tell us what... [Nathan breaks of as the Master appears]

Shadow: Master! Please do not destroy me.... [Master raises his hand and Shadow is enveloped in pure light, then millions of rays of light project from his body as Shadow vanishes]

Tree: No!!! For some reason I think Shadow held all the answers to this!!

Nathan: No time for that, we have to fight off the Master.

Nicole: I agree. [To the Prep Patrol] We need to unify! You are now Natopian Defense Enforcers! Take orders from Grand Commander Nathan!

Nathan: Thank you Nicole, [To NDF] attack the Master!!

[The NDF charges the Master who has remained motionless, still with his hand in the air]

Nathan: Tree, Nicole, we need to assist the defense Force!

[Nathan, Tree, and Nicole run up to the Master and begin relentlessly attacking]

Nicole: Now may be a good time for that electro-bomb Nathan!

Tree: I agree! Let’s all use one!! Concentrate on the flashing red dot on his forehead!

Nathan: OK, that’s usually the weak point in video games!

[Three electro-bombs hit the flashing red dot on the Masters forehead at the same time. The Master collapses]

Nathan: Phew that was easy.

Nicole: I don’t like it....

Nathan: Aww.... why are you always complaining? We won!!

[The Master stands up and raises both hands as the entire NDF erupts into pure light]

End of Scene

Scene- Shadow’s Dimension, Master battle field

[Nathan, Nicole, Tree, Sherry and Emily are left alone, standing against the Master]

Nathan: Sherry, Emily, I’m so glad you survived!! And for some reason I am not suspicious at all!

Nicole: I am.

Emily and Sherry: Shut up!

Nicole: Jeeze.

Tree: While you four are conversing the Master is standing just 4 feet away from us.

Nathan: Oh crap.

Tree: What do you want from us?!

Master: I want only the safety of the Queen to be ensured!

Nathan: what queen?

Master: How dare you insult my intelligence!! Hand her to me or you will be destroyed as your army has been!

Tree: We know of no queens though!

Emily: I know a queen.

Sherry: You do? Wow! Who?

Emily: [dramatic pause as she looks each person deeply in the eyes] The Master wants me. I am the Queen it wants. This is Emilyland.

Nathan: HAHA!!! Please, please Emily; we need to be serious here.

[Emily begins to transform into a being similar to the Master but taller and much more regally adorned.]

Queen Emily: I am the Queen of this Land! You will obey me and only me! I will bring back your army only if you swear to lead them under my flag! You will lead them to conquer any world I wish you to.

Nathan: Tree, we must save our soldiers, they are our friends!

Nicole: But we can’t give in to Emily!

Tree: This is the master that Shadow was speaking of.... not the first Master.... I’m sure of the exact hierarchy...

Nathan: This conquering must be the cataclysm Shadow was speaking of.

Nicole: Queen Emily, if you pursue this Universal Conquest, the entire universe could destroy itself!

Emily: I care not for this universe.

Tree: We have no choice, we have to save our friends... bring them back Queen Emily.



End of Scene

Scene- Earth, MHS, football field

Nathan: How did we get back here?

Nicole: Ask the Narrator fellow... he hasn’t done much this episode.

Narrator: There hasn’t been much to do Ms. Nicole; you’ve been standing off against the Defense Force for hours.

Nathan: But, we just returned from the Shadow Dimension, all of us!

Narrator: Whatever.

Tree: Not even the Narrator knew we were gone? This is really bizarre.

[Lt. Sherry comes up to the three]

Sherry: All the Enforcers report the same thing... two tingling sensations... obviously from the two times Queen Emily used that lights thing on them.

Tree: Yes, that would explain that, but not even the Narrator knew we went through the shadow portal.

Nathan: In the words of Alice, things keep getting peculiar and peculiar.

Nicole: Alice who?

Nathan: Alice in Wonderland!

Nicole: Oh.

Tree: Whatever it is, we have to stop Queen Emily!

All four: Agreed!

[Just then a black helicopter with a floire d’lie descends on the football field]

Nathan: No! It can’t be!

Sherry: The French!! Run away!!

Nicole: Not even our combined strength can compete with the French’s vile stench!

Nathan: I agree, we have to run!

[Before they can escape, the French helicopter lands, cutting off escape and a Frenchman exits the chopper]

Frenchman: Bonjour! I am Pierre L’Sacreblue Toulouse Le’stenchouis XX

Nathan: [Warily] Hail, Pier Lay Sacred blue Two loose Lesten chewis the double x.

Pierre: It is true! The Americans are more rude then the Germans! Hurumph!

Narrator: The producer of this episode wishes to formally apologize to any French or Germen viewing this program.

Nicole: What is it you want, Frenchie, in case you haven’t guessed it, you’re not wanted round these parts.

Tree: And by these parts, we mean everywhere except France, Quebec, and French colonies!

Pierre: I have come to inform you that the French Dimension Rift test you have taken part of was a complete success.

Nicole: what are you talking about??

Pierre: Where are the two business geniuses that sent us that tape of emus being raced in foreign cars while the recorders where dressed as lawn gnomes?

[The entire football field is so silent you can hear each person’s thoughts]

[Jumble of voices blare, overlapping can be heard]

Narrator: Ah! That’s hurts, I wont let that happen again, needless to say, it was quite... jeeze... the screen writer must think we are dumb...

Pierre: No one?

[Nathan turns accusingly on Sherry and Emily]

Sherry: yes?

Nathan: How could you do business with a Frenchie!!

Tree: I’m so disappointed in both of you.

Nathan: [To Pierre] Would you care to explain everything?

Pierre: Of course! We used the emu-race-car tape to finalize the plans for Codename: Paradise. A fully programmed interactive environment where any whim of the user will instantly come true. We neglected to realize a large population wanted to race emus while dressed as lawn gnomes...

Emily: See sherry? I’m not that weird!

Pierre: ...so we offered a large cash prize to someone who would perform this stunt and video tape it so our programmers would be able to see it first hand.

Nathan: This is so bizarre... only a Frenchmen could think of this....

Pierre: Silence American pig!

Nathan: [mutters] frog...

Pierre: We then finished the programming of Paradise, complete with emus! What a grand day it was. After that was completed we were able to use it to take control of the French government... then the European Union, then the United Nations!! We now control the entire world... and we plan to fly ourselves to the moon to start a new French world, using Paradise to create our environment. But, just to ensure no un-French would disturb us, we will detonate every explosive device in the world... especially the nuclear ones!!

Nicole: The bastards!

Pierre: Yes, we are, but that won’t matter because you will be dead by the time we get to the moon, activate Paradise, and destroy the world.

Nathan: [with sly tone] Why not blow us up en route?

Pierre: The detonate button is included in the programming of Paradise, the button only activates when we instruct Paradise to set up our new world on the moon. But I have wasted much time with idle chitchat.

Sherry: Actually you gave away more information then all the villains in spy movies ever made put together, but who cares?

Pierre: Yes, I will leave now to go to the secret Paradise base deep in Quebec where the Paradise program is waiting, relatively unguarded due to its secret location. I hope no one deactivates it, or it will never be able to reboot, and the entire world will return to normal control. Oh well...

[Pierre leaves on helicopter]

Nathan: Whoa... no interrogation at all... that was too easy... it must be a trap.

Nicole: It doesn’t matter anyway, I checked the script and we have to go there.

Tree: Oh well... Nicole, follow the helicopter so you know where the secret base is. Nathan and I will work on getting the Defense Force airborne.

Nicole: OK! [Flies away]

[Tree and Nathan stare at the 800+ Enforcers]

Nathan: Um... how are we gonna...

Tree: Simple... a plane... a very large plane.

Nathan: No one makes a plane large enough to transport 800 people.

Tree: They do now...

Nathan: That really doesn’t look safe.

Tree: Trust me, it is.... do you know how to fly a plane?

Nathan: I’ve played Microsoft Light Simulator. Is that ok?

Tree: That’ll have to do... [She snaps her fingers and Pilot’s Wings appear on Nathan’s shirt.

Nathan: Neat! I can impersonate pilots and get free rides!!

Sherry: I don’t know... sometimes flying a simulator is a little different then the real thing....

Tree: Shut up, he’s our only hope if we want to destroy Paradise.

Nathan: Gee... thanks for making me look the bad guy...

Tree: You know what I mean... [Sigh]

[747 extends large hatch to ground and the NDF begins to march onto it]

Sherry: Begun the Battle for Paradise has.

Nathan: Whoa!! You can’t say that! George Lucas will sue our pants off! That’s major copyright infringement right there.

Sherry- Jeeze, sorry, just trying to add to the drama!

Scene ends

Scene- 747 landing site in Quebec

[Nathan, Nicole, Tree, and the NDF are grouped around the 747; the three are creating battle strategies as the Force rests]

Random Enforcer: I don’t like bein’ out here in the wilds of Canada, especially Quebec! I hear tales of wild Quebecois running out of anthills with nothing covering them but expensive, French fur!

Other Enforcer: Aww man! Please, not while I’m eating. [Throws up]

[Nathan stands up to address the Force]

Nathan: Look guys, this will be our toughest battle yet; no doubt this place will be swarming with Frenchies. This is the single most important site in the world for them and they aren’t gonna let it sit in the middle of Canada, unguarded. Now, when we go into the base, expect the French to fight dirty. They will kick sand in your eyes; if there is no sand around... they will kick metal shavings in your eyes.

Nicole: That’s just a myth Nathan... the truth is that the French are a weak race and do not deserve to life.

Tree: Actually, you both are right.

Nathan: No matter, just be ready for the fight of your lives!

Random Enforcer: Oh gawd, why the French!! AHH, Mommy! [Cowers in fetal position]

Sherry: Straighten up Enforcer! [To Nathan] I’m sorry Your Excellency, he is in my Battalion.

Nathan- OK... just don’t let it happen in the heat of battle, where everyone around you is dieing!

Random Enforcer: hey! Is this legal? Can you lead hundreds of teens into a foreign country and command them to wage war against the locals? Even if not legal, what about the moral consequences!

Nathan: Who’s Battalion is that Enforcer in? [To Tree]

Tree: Um... [Flips papers] Lt. Emily! Step forward and account for this embarrassment!

Emily: I’m sorry... I didn’t think he would...
Nathan: Silence!! Just make sure none of your other Enforcers embarrass you like this or you will be terminated!

Emily: I understand Your Excellency. [Returns to Battalion and slaps the Enforcer who got her in trouble]

Nathan: Very good. We move out in one hour! Prepare yourselves!

Narrator: Instead of writing something interesting to take up time, I’ll just say this: “One hour later...” and maybe but a caption in screen [caption appears] yeah, there we go.

Tree: OK Defense Force, lets go!

[The NDF marches until they encounter a neon sign with “Secret French Paradise Base: Four kilometers ahead”]

Nathan: Oh great... how long is that? [To NDF] Can anyone back there convert kilometers to miles?

Emily: I can! The distance in miles is exactly 2.4 miles!

Nathan: Very good, you have redeemed yourself from your past transgressions.

Emily: Thank you Your Excellency.

[NDF marches until they encounter a dome with “Secret French Base” written on it]

Nicole: These French really make it easy for us.

Nathan: Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.

Nicole: What the heck are you talking about? I don’t see any chickens?

Nathan: It’s an expression.... never mind. [Rolls eyes and sighs]

Tree: Everybody, I can sense an ambush once we enter! Get ready!

Nathan: Charge the base!

[The NDF runs into the base]

Sherry: It’s so quite, no one’s here!
French guard: Look! The Americans!

[The one French guard charges the entire NDF]

Nathan: Um... OK. Someone take care of him please?

Random Enforcer: Got ‘em. [Fires dart gun in French guard’s neck]

French guard: Sacre blue... [Faints]

NDF: Yeah! We win!

Nathan: Now to find Paradise... and destroy it!

NDF: Hooray! Destroy Paradise!

Sherry: Look Nathan, is this it? [Gestures to large computer with “Paradise Control Core” written on it]

Nathan: It must be, what else could it be?

Emily: [Rolls eyes] Oh, a candy machine? Duh!

Nathan: I’ll ignore that, on account of your metric conversion abilities.

Emily: [mutters] Thank you.

[Nathan, Tree, Nicole, Sherry, Emily, Aaron, and Joel all walk up to the control core]

Nicole: But how do we turn it off?

[All of them look around the control pad, which includes a large, flashing button with “Paradise Shut Down, Do NOT Press” written on it]

Aaron: Ah, that must be it!

Nathan: Excellent, now, to save the world! [Presses button]

NDF: Hooray!



Joel: Uh-oh!
[The entire French base, along with half of Quebec is destroyed in a nuclear explosion]

End Scene

Scene- South County, Earth, reconstructed Gym A.

Narrator: Fortunately, Nathan, Tree, and Nicole, transport all of the NDF safely back to South County.

Sherry: Phew, another close call. I wonder why it blew up like that?

Tree: We may never know...

Nicole: Listen! [Walks in with radio]

Newscaster: And in minor news today, a French rocket headed for the moon launched a nuclear missile into an uninhabited part of Quebec. The President called both the Prime Minister of Canada, and the President of France to see what the deal was. The French claimed it was none of our stinky pig American business, and the Canadian Prime Minister simply said “ditto.” As a response to this rudeness so uncharacteristic of the French and the submission of Canada to France the President ordered the dropping of nuclear bombs on both France and Canada. England responded with “we really wish you wouldn’t do that.” And North Korea congratulated us and sent us a gold statue portraying how the French President would look if he survived the nuclear blast. However, in some unfortunate news, Russia, Germany, and England have declared war on us for no apparent reason.

Nathan: Uh oh.... we saved the world but the French still got to the moon. And when they tried to destroy us... they caused World War III. So if we didn’t try to stop Paradise, World War III wouldn’t have started, but the French would have destroyed the world anyway. So, did we really do anything at all?

Tree: Well, that sucks! Not even a parade! Darn.

Sherry: This has to be one of the stupidest days I’ve had in awhile.

End of Episode Three: “The Battle for Paradise”





Credits:

Written by Nathan Shepard

Assisted by Theresa Lochhaas

Thanks to Julie Holmes and Sherry Lochhaas for their support.

Epilogue-

Nathan- Nathan went on to be a dictator of a small, unstable, African country.

Tree- Theresa used her experience in the Defense Force and entered West Point Academy and became Undersecretary of the Army.

Nicole- Nicole became dependent on the drug, oxygen, and is recovering at Saint Bob’s Oxygen Rehabilitation Center for the Oxygen Addicted.

Sherry- Having no where to go, Sherry flew to Nathan’s African country, expecting a warm welcome and a high government job. Much to her disappointment, she was thrown in jail upon entering the country.

Emily- Having seen what power she was capable of in the Paradise Program; Emily left America to start the real Emilyland in Antarctica.

Everyone else- Everyone else mention in this story went on to do some meaningless job and never benefited mankind whatsoever.

Disclaimer: All persons in this story are completely fictional, any resemblance to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Scene- Nathan’s front porch

Nathan: Ah... I wonder what will happen tomorrow? Today was so odd, to say the least... [Shadow appears] Ah!! You again? I thought you were in the Paradise Program! It was destroyed along with half of Quebec!

Shadow: [Ignores Nathan’s statement] Be ready to command the Natopian Defense Force again. [Vanishes]

[On screen] Until tomorrow...

[Fade out]

[Nathan]

All My Mehlville
Vengeance Trilogy

A Drama Written by Nathan Shepard

Episode Four: “Revenge, a Dish Best Served…With a Side of Soup”

Narrator: The Foundations Trilogy ended with the beginning of World War III. We’re gonna piss you all off by completely skipping WWIII and begin our story after the war.

Scene: A barren field, seemingly post-apocalyptic.

Nathan: Wait… this scene is all wrong… there should be no post-apocalyptic fields in this story! WWIII was resolved over tea and crumpets in England. America apologized for completely destroying Quebec and the other countries said they really didn’t care about Quebec; they were just upset we didn’t tell them first.

Narrator: Oh, sorry, here…

Scene: Mehlville High School

Nathan: Much better. Anyway… today is the first day of the second semester! That means I have a chance to get an “A” in English and Algebra! [In an evil voice] I hate algebra so much! [In normal voice] That means I need to study harder!

Sherry: You know what else the first day of second semester means? [In a dreamy voice] Craig has transferred to our school! [Sherry looks to the heavens as her eyes twinkle in anticipation]

Nathan: Oh, yes… how wonderful… [Stifles laughter] Anyway, let’s get on with the story, shall we?

Sherry: Yes… wait… what story? We’re characters in this drama, we’re not supposed to be aware of the fact that this is a drama!

Nathan: [pauses] Oh, yeah. Then, um, what should we do today?

Narrator: This scene is going nowhere fast; let me take you faithful viewers where something is actually happening.

Scene: Prep Patrol evil underground secret lair.
Narrator: [whispers] hey, this evil underground secret lair is really just the storage closet in the Lower Commons… shhh, don’t tell anyone.

Nicole: I can’t believe this!

Faceless conforming prep: Can’t believe what, oh wonderful leader?

Nicole: That damned Nathan! He has ignored my subtle cries for attention!

Prep: Perhaps you should be more obvious?

Nicole: If I get anymore obvious I may be arrested for prostitution!



Prep: Oh dear god no!!!

Nicole: Yes, that would be horrible if I were to be arrested for making my love for him known. But, ironically, I will now make him suffer for his ignorance!! [Laughs manically]

Prep: Oh, yeah… [Fake laughs to please Nicole]

Scene: German club

Tree: Isn’t it great that the Preps and Freaks have all united and we are enjoying a time of peace?

Nathan: I think it’s great they all united under me!

Tree: Yeah, well, you’re crazy… and I’m serious here, you are insane Nate!

Nathan: Hey, don’t mess with me; I’m in command of almost every student at this school. [glares at Tree]

Sherry: Now, now, play nice you two. [sighs] I wish Craig were here, but he takes Spanish.

Narrator: Just then…

[Craig walks through the door, which is emitting a bright light]

Craig: Hi.
Sherry: Oh, my dearest Craig! Why are you here? Not that I mind, but, it is rather peculiar!

Craig: Well, there is actually a very logical explanation…

Nathan: Peculiar, you say? This is obviously NOT Craig, the one you love Sherry, for he is not a German student! He is obviously someone in disguise!

Tree: Perhaps it’s that Shadow guy from the last trilogy! [she runs up to Craig and begins pulling at the skin on his face] This… must be… a…. mask!

Craig: Oh stop! Oh dear god stop!! You’re tearing off my skin!! For the love of all that is holy, stop!!!! [his skin is completely ripped off, revealing only the muscles and sinews under his face]

All in room: oh, man… GROSS!!!!!

[one student vomits]

Tree: My bad, I guess I don’t know my own strength. [shrugs]

Craig: [weakly] Could someone… call a doctor? I think this could get infected.

Sherry: Oh no, my poor Craig! I’ll make you pay for this Nathan!

Nathan: What? Me?? Why??

Sherry: You always made fun of me, saying I liked Craig… now I’m gonna make you regret it!

Tree: Well, obviously you like Craig if you are swearing revenge on your best friend. And I’m the one who pulled off his friggin’ face!

Sherry: Then I swear revenge on both of you! Once Craig’s face grows back we’ll form a super duo like you two… and fight you!

[Sherry helps Craig out of the room and they go to conspire, and get some skin grafts]

Nathan: Damn… this is almost as weird as that time she wanted to race emus.

Emily: Don’t forget the time with the platypuses! That was weird. Good times, good times.

Tree: Don’t worry Nathan, they don’t have super powers, we do. Remember all that fancy anime-type stuff we do?

Nathan: Yeah… that’s right.

Scene: Outside the Prep Patrol secret lair.

Sherry: I forgot that they had super powers. But there is one other person that has super powers.

Craig: Who?

Sherry: What do you mean ‘who?’ She… oh… yeah… you were at Oakville last semester.

Craig: Yeah, I kinda want to go back… if it wasn’t for you, I’d leave.

Sherry: Aw, you’re so sweet! Anyway, let’s hope Nicole will help us.

[they enter the Prep Patrol lair]

Prep: What do you want Freaks? I know we are at peace and all, but that doesn’t mean you can just walk into our lair!

Nicole: Let them in. They’re OK. What can I do for you, Sherry and… and… and you are?

Craig: I’m Craig.

Nicole: Ah, yes, the famous Craig. What can I do for you two?

Sherry: We were wondering if it was possible for you to break the PP/NDF Alliance that was formed some time ago and help us exact revenge on Nathan and Tree.

[Nicole’s jaw drops and she begins to drool]

Nicole: [in a mock German accent] That arranged, can be.

Craig: Thank you, nice lady, we’d do it ourselves, but they have super powers, or at least that’s what I’m told. Oakville wasn’t this weird.

Sherry: We prefer to think of Mehlville as ‘interesting and fun,’ not weird.

Craig: Whatever.

Nicole: Let’s get our plan together, shall we?

[All laugh as the scene fades out]

Narrator: The next day… a very sunny day… freshly fallen snow… but there is still school.

Scene: The cafeteria.

Tree: I heard Sherry talking to Craig last night…

Nathan: So? They’re practically going out.

Tree: No, there was a sense of… of evil! [the cafeteria lights fade as she says the word ‘evil’]

Emily: Cool… lemme try! [clears throat] Evil.

Nathan: Nothing happened.

Emily: I know! Don’t rub it in!

Tree: Anyway, I think Sherry is actually following up on her plan for revenge against us, Nate.

Nathan: Naw… she wouldn’t dare, we’ve got super powers.

Tree: Yeah, the only other person with super powers is Nicole, and she joined her Patrol with the Force last year. We’re practically best of allies!

Nathan: Yeah! [smiles very largely]

Tree: Creepy, man.

Scene: Sherry’s house.

[the doorbell rings and Sherry opens the door to find Craig]

Craig: Partner in crime here.

Sherry: But I don’t have a partner in crime.

Craig: You do now ma’am. [porno music plays]

Mrs. Feero: [yells from the kitchen] Rocky! Don’t play that music on the piano any more!!

[Craig and Sherry run up to her room]

Sherry: Nicole should be joining us shortly so she can give us an overview of the plan.

Craig: Great, until she gets here, why don’t we…

[Nicole teleports herself into Sherry’s room]

Sherry: Oh, Nicole, good to see you.

Craig: [disappointedly] yeah, great to see you.



Sherry: What’s that?

[the siren gets louder until a car is heard in the driveway]

Craig: Oh no! I didn’t mean to steal the pen from the post office!! NO!!!!

[the front door is broken down and footsteps are heard coming up the stairs]

Craig: Before we’re thrown in jail… I want to tell you something, Sherry…

[six men dressed in uniforms barge into the room shouting]

Lead officer: That’s enough of the Sherry-Craig jokes for one drama series! I’m ordering a cessation in all jokes relating to the status of the friendship between Craig and Sherry… under penalty of death! [points to the screen]

[the camera turns in such a way to reveal the officer pointing to the writer sitting on the other side of Sherry’s room]

Writer: [has a sign around his neck with the word ‘writer’ on it] What? It’s funny though!

Officer: That may be true, but it’s gotten stale. Now stop!

Writer: Ok, fine…

[the officers leave and the writer seems to be erasing the rest of the script and muttering]

Writer: That’s just great, now I have to rewrite 70% of the script!

Craig: I don’t mind the jokes…

[the officers appear]

Officer: Hey! What did we tell you!

Writer: I didn’t write that! I swear!

Craig: True, I said it myself.

Officer: Oh.

[the officers and the writer all leave]

Nicole: Um… well… that was weird. But, okay, let’s start our plan now!

Sherry: Yeah! I can’t wait to make Nathan pay for all his arrogance over the years and the way he treats me!

Craig: What do you mean ‘the way he treats’ you? I thought you two were friends since elementary school.

Sherry: Yeah, but… but… he’s always made me feel bad inside… like I don’t matter and he takes me for granted! But now… now he’ll never take me for granted again! HAHAHA!!!!

Nicole: Excellent, you are filled with rage… that is essential for revenge plots!

[Suddenly the light in the room is absorbed into a central point toward the middle of the room and eventually Shadow appears]

Nicole: Shadow! Why are you here? I thought you were a part of the Paradise Computer Program, and that was destroyed along with the rest of Quebec!

Shadow: The intricacies of my existence are far too complicated for any of you to understand, especially you, Sherry.

Sherry: Hey! Leave me alone!

Shadow: I have come to help you three exact revenge upon Nathan and Theresa. Why? Because it all fits into my master’s glorious plan… but perhaps I’ve said too much. [eyes become shifty as if he is about to kill someone, suspenseful music plays for duration of eye shifting, which is 5 minutes]

Nicole: Ok, so why don’t you come up with a plan? To prove your loyalty to us!

Shadow: I thought you’d say that. Coincidentally, I have a perfect plan already in place. It involves Nate and Tree’s only respective weaknesses!

Sherry: Ha… that’s impossible… they have no weaknesses.

Nicole: No, not physically… I know personally. But aside from increased mental capacity, they are as vulnerable to various temptations as you and Craig are.

Craig: So you’re saying, Mr. Shadow, sir, that you have somehow figured out the one temptation they cannot ignore?

Shadow: That’s right. It’s kinda like Superman’s Kryptonite.

Scene: Gym A, next morning

Nathan: [while walking through crowds of people] What a fine day it is today…



Nathan: Why, if that isn’t the most peculiar thing I’ve seen all day.

[Emily runs up to Nathan, out of breath and apparently in a state of panic]

Nathan: What’s wrong, Emily? I was about to eat this unexplained cake.

Emily: I checked the script… don’t eat the cake… and while I was checking it I realized that with Sherry off conspiring against you… I have no one to help me with a zany get-rich-quick scheme! [begins softly crying]

Nathan: Hmm… well… we need some plot twist right about now in the story anyway… why don’t I make you my and Tree’s sidekick.

Emily: Wow… I don’t know what to say! Thank you!

[Aaron comes running into the gym]

Aaron: Nathan, sir, there’s something wrong in the hallways! The Preps, they’re starting something, I know it! Shall I mobilize the Force sir?

Nathan: That won’t do much good if the Preps have decided to rebel. The Force incorporated many Preps after we invaded Quebec, they wanted to be cool. [scoffs]

Aaron: True, there may be enemy spies within the ranks! I’ll assemble a team to do some searching and determine if any Preps in the Force have been acting strangely.

Nathan: Good, and trust no one.

Aaron: Aye, sir.

[Aaron leaves]

Nathan: As your first duty as my sidekick, go bring Theresa here. On your way alert everyone in the halls that I have called a student meeting to order in the gym.

Emily: Sure thing, be right back.

[Several minutes pass as students begin filing into the gym. An angry Mr. Viviano and other principals make their way through the throng of students to Nathan]

Viviano: What is the meaning of this?? These students should be in class! I will not have you turn this school into a war zone again!

Nathan: [leans close to Viviano’s ear] I would leave right now sir, I know that you planned a mass extermination of students last year to solve budget problems.

Viviano: Very well… just keep it brief please.

[principals leave gym]

[Theresa walks up to where Nathan is standing on the stage]

Theresa: I just counted and every student is here.

Nathan: Great. Just to get you up to speed, Aaron reported that Preps in the hallway a few minutes ago were acting up, talking of rebellions and such. We have concluded that some Prep spies implanted themselves into the Force during that enlistment craze after our return from the invasion of Canada.

Theresa: Those dirty Preps, stop at nothing they will to make our lives harder.

Nathan: Indeed. [to all students] Friends, Natopians, Classmates, lend me your ears!

Random student: [shouts] Over used cliché!!

Nathan: Lighten up! Jeeze. I thought it was humorous… anyway… I have received report from my most trusted officer, Supreme Commander Aaron, that certain members of the Prep clique have been yelling things in the hallway that may be viewed as rebellious and traitorous. Also, using the most advanced psychological analyzing equipment at our disposal, we have determined that an undetermined number of Preps have joined the Defense Force with the intention of [dramatic pause and suspenseful music] espionage! [shocked revelation music]

[Before anyone can react, Nicole, Shadow, Sherry, and Craig appear]

Shadow: Nicole, we shall implement part one of our glorious plan! Combine powers!!!!

[Both Nicole and Shadow direct a beam of energy to Sherry and Craig]

Sherry: Excellent, excellent!! I have the power now!

Craig: Oooh, its all tingly feeling! Cool!

Nathan: No! It cannot be! All three of them have powers? And Shadow? Why are you here??

Shadow: None of your concern.

Nicole: We outnumber you, 2 to 1. Nathan, you will pay for your arrogance toward Sherry and your disinterest towards me! And, um, Craig doesn’t like you because Sherry is mad at you!

Tree: Oh no, what do we do? We can’t possibly ask the NDF to fight; they wouldn’t stand a chance against 3 super humans and Shadow!

Nathan: I don’t know… I just don’t know…

[Camera pans to Nathan’s worried face, as scene fades Nathan sticks out his tongue]

End of Episode 4